An Ode to Procrastination

In the spirit of full disclosure I must admit that while I do have positive intentions of productivity for this blog it is also basically an exercise in procrastination

The perennial struggle with self control. What I would like to think of as one of the great problems facing today’s generation (other than climate change and getting the new snapchat to work properly obvs.) Did our grandparents really have to worry about whether or not they accidentally found themselves in the ‘weird’ part of YouTube where you blink and realise you’ve just watched 4 hours of MOST EPIC FAILS VIDEOS OF ALL TIME. I think not.

I have a theory. I feel like as a society we are biologically predisposed to procrastinate. And those people who say they ‘don’t procrastinate’. I call bullshit. Yea ok maybe you pay your bills on time but how long has it been since you cleared out the ‘miscellaneous’ drawer in your kitchen. Exactly.

 Life in 2015 is hard, procrastination is just a natural step in avoiding complete and utter self destruction from the sheer number things we are expected to achieve in a day.

I got up, I put pants on, I brushed my teeth WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!

Despite my acute procrastination skills. I’m a huge list maker. Making lists makes me feel like I have my life together (but really it just exposes how little I have my life together). Even as I’m writing this I’m being stared down by my Kikki K note pad that says ‘every accomplishment starts with the decision to try’.

excuse me ‘Kikki’ can you not? Even our stationary is out to get us.

As every good theorist should, I have arranged my findings into a series of steps. (Psychology degree WHAT UP) Whether you are at school or uni (or heaven help you a real adult with a real job) I feel my stages of procrastination will apply.

Stage 1: To procrastinate or not to procrastinate. This time is crucial. it is the time between getting your assignment or seeing the enormous pile of ironing or realising your bedroom is a complete state of decay and doing something about it. 98% of the population will not start their work on the day it’s been given to them (important to note: this is a fabricated statistic but I feel the point still stands). If you start your project as soon as you know it needs doing it’s possible you have just avoided what is without question the most difficult part of any task. The very starting of it.

Oh Johnny as if you’ve ever procrastinated….

We’ve hit Stage 2: As is to be expected you did not start your assignment when it was given to you. If you’re me you’ve been playing GeoGuessr (but guys like I’m not even kidding this game is amazing). Now the panic is rising slightly but you are still able to function at a relatively normal level of sanity. You know that there is unimaginable stress right around the corner but yet you let the next Netflix episode load right up. Friday Night Lights waits for no one.

Stage 3: And finally we reach the state of total trepidation in which the assignment is due in t-minus 12 hours and so it becomes a literary free for all. Any thing remotely relevant to the topic gets thrown in, convincing details are invented, Wikipedia becomes a good friend until finally you are hitting that submit button and sprinting down to the faculty building, sheepishly avoiding eye contact with anyone and leaving with a satisfied Judd Nelson air punch.

As an expert procrastinator I do have some coping mechanisms that I have learnt over the years which I feel compelled to pass on.

  • Self Control – This little baby is amazing. It lets you block out all the sites you need to from as little as an hour up to 24 hours. And once it’s on there is literally no stopping it. No amount of resetting will rid the block. but trust me it’s for the best.
  •  When I’m deep into procrastination I try to remember that no task is ever as hard as you build it up to be. Once to you’ve started you get that feeling of ‘ahhhh thank god’ and you get into the zone and suddenly you’re like why didn’t I start this earlier I’m a straight up genius. Stages 2 and 3 can be completely avoided by remembering this small detail.

So in the spirit of procrastination I’ve made a little Procrasta- Playlist.

Something to fuel you along while you go about being productive or perhaps just contemplate it. Featuring such classic hits as ‘Ten Thousand Hours’ (of Friends episodes watched) and ‘Wasting Time (doing BuzzFeed quizzes)

Go forth and conquer people!

*ok I promise this is the end of the Gif invasion. like they so accurately represent my emotions. but no. allg. it’s under control. 

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